One thing about being away from home is trying to establish a new network of friends while maintaining, or trying to maintain the old network. This blog is inspired by many of my friends. Let me just say, this has not been written in order of preference…hehehe…..
Firstly there are my 3 friends- Yuka, Aliya and Funlola- who I made in Foundation. They are my oldest bunch of friends in the UK. Recently, we celebrated 2 of their birthdays. Its always fun being with them and I learn an important lesson when I am with them. That is that, friendship is about trying to be there for the other. Right now, we are in different courses and it is always harder to link up but we always have to make an effort. Further, the more our paths seem to separate the more I realise how different we are, really like cheese and chalk. But I realise each day that it is possible to be friends with people who are completely different from you. The idea is to have fun together!!!
Then there are my African friends here!! These are quite a bunch!! It is always easy to chat with them. They are after all a slice of home to me. They dull my homesickness and I love being with them. It’s easy to talk for hours without tiring because it is funny how similar we are. One thing about living abroad and making friends is that, they can never get you. With this bunch, I don’t have to explain why I do some things because they understand why. Sometimes its simple things, like them understanding I miss eating my local chicken or the more complicated stuff like things I like and don’t like about guys. It is easier for them to understand my principles, I should say….
Then there are my British friends….these for me are evidence of how kind and good people can be. These people have welcomed me into their country, their hearts! Many of them are the sweetest people I have met and the fact that I don’t speak or look like them is always irrelevant. You have no idea how many insecurities can come up from being an international student. There always seems to be this need to prove yourself to be an equal to the British or even better. Each day with these is a reminder that I don’t have to be anyone else by myself. And though they can not always get me, they always listen and manage to get it in the end anyway…
Then there are all my friends back home. These are divided into 2. There are those who were my friends but who I never cared to put effort to make our friendship richer. Now all I have is a phone, an email and regrets of the time I should have spent working on the friendships. The problem is that sometimes you tend to take people who are always around you for granted. Like they will always be around. Then you leave and everything changes. But there is no use crying over spilt milk…with these I just do the best I can ….keep in touch and prepare for a time when we will meet and make up for lost time.
The second category is my crew…the ones that are my best friends!! This for me is the most painful. Where you wish they were here with you so that you could learn and grow together. Where I get sad and wish they were here to say the right words because they really know me. Maintaining this kind of friendship is a painful pleasure. You have to do it still because you love them and they are your best!!! This category reminds me that friendship can survive through distance and time and absence only makes the heart grow fonder!!!
To my fellow international students, I know you can relate to this…maybe you haven’t been so fortunate to have created a network here, but give it a go!! When I first came here I was so stuck on my network at home to even be friendly here but I did realise no man is an island, we all need some people every once in a while and you might just meet amazing people.
To those wanting to come, before you leave, make sure you hug your friends and let them know how much they mean to you and don’t be worried about being alone here, believe me I am not a very social kind of person but I have all this burden with all these friends I have made that I don’t want..lol…(joke)
Ruth
Visit the Sussex ISC website here
Hey Ruth
So this is totally random.. But i was checking out the school website when i came across a link directing me to your blog-and i was thinking aaah home girl! Lol. Yeah no dont worry i dont think we know each other, it was just the Malawi connection
So anyway im kinda hoping to come start my postgrad degree there next year and was wondering if you could help a sister out with some inside info.. Like i have alot of questions! Soo.. If its not too much of a hustle please drop me an email at madahanjahanja@yahoo.com, so i can get in touch with you. Thanks!